Phil's Blog - Day 1,586

Right, it's now getting a bit serious. Madeleine's been missing for some time now. It's time for the person who knows what happened to my niece to come clean and tell us what happened to Madeleine. Look, it's still not too late to drop her off at the nearest restaurant and we'll forget everything.

I've been so upset, I've not eaten anything for at least three hours today. And you know that's unusual for me because I've been working as hard as the Portuguese police with my two hour lunches.

And talking about the Portuguese police - Gerry is his usual jolly self again - he's telling me the police have nothing concrete on him. Our Susan, Kate's mum, said that was such a shame because concrete would so suit Gerry.

You will have seen in the news all this talk about Kate and her student days. To be honest, I've been very disappointed that the irresponsible press have been digging about again - I mean we all drank too much and got overdrawn when we were younger didn't we? At least nowadays for Kate and Gerry, there's no chance of being in the red again, rather, there's now an excellent choice between red or white.

Back to the Campaign now. Just thinking back to my schedule of busy meetings last week, and how the Campaign would be able to benefit hugely from the help of that great philanthropist, Sir Richard, has just reminded me - I forgot to tell you about my new bottom wipes promotion.

There'll be special packs available in the shops soon, offering a free Madeleine T-shirt upon the collection of only 75 tokens (1 token available per pack). And I'm especially pleased to report that Pampers have even agreed to change the name of their product temporarily to McCanndoo. Such a promotion will be ideal in helping people to remember, on a daily basis, about the terrible situation that Kate and Gerry find themselves in with the Portuguese police.

And finally, some of you will remember the enormous 10 metre wide inflatable billboard made for us by News of the World. It was extremely useful for us to be able to raise awareness of Madeleine in Portugal as not many people would have known about the abduction. I mean, the number of people on the beach who just stared at the billboard was just, well, just phenomenal. That must say something about the strength of the Campaign.

Well, after talking to The Sun, I think I've come up with one better with a great idea for two huge airships with Madeleine's photo displayed prominently on one side and the website address for donations on the other.

I am going to be hosting an open party in Glasgow, attended by the international media, where my twin zeppelins will be unveiled to the world. And The Sun has even suggested that they promote the special event on their hallowed third page. I hope you can come.